Life moves really fast and I think we all know that – especially if we are bombarded by so many distractions. We’re tossed from the movements of everyday moments and the loudness provided to us simply when we open the lock screens on our phones. It all demands for our attention, and surely, it is important. Somehow, a lot of excess creeps in and we drift into it’s rhythm. Before we have realized it, we’re sailing in a direction we never set out for.
I think that’s what the remainder of 2015 has been for me… Drifting. The fall of 2015 was a hard one to push through. I found myself unmotivated, burned out, tired of keeping up with the rhythm of a sound I did not recognize. It left me stagnant, yet aching for God. Still, as much as I desired Him, I let my eyes shift to the mini distractions that slowly pulled me from staying passionate about Jesus and others. It happens, but it’s not my heart. I was losing myself in the process.
You know what’s funny about this whole thing? LIFE WAS GOOD. I really had all kinds of good stuff going for me. It kept me laughing, it kept me moving, it was exactly what I needed to forget who I really was and forget the One who was my everything. Just like hardships, successes can do a work on you just as much.
Maybe I don’t want to be known for my successes, maybe I want to be in the mix of people, with a full heart ready to give.
I love that even in my own messiness, God didn’t find it to be a problem. I just so desperately wanted to be back at the place where He and I walked closely together. I’ve missed giving Him my song, because He is so beautiful in me. It didn’t take long or much work for God to step in. That’s how his love is – It doesn’t make sense. People on the earth make us work for their love and approval, but God, he doesn’t miss a single moment of desperation we have for Him. I was weathered, I was tired, and I needed to be reminded of the richest love I have ever known.
“Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.” Micah 7:18
It’s God’s delight to show love. It’s not like I was necessarily up to anything that was troublesome, but I just wasn’t letting God have a chance on my heart. You know, letting him answer the questions I was overwhelmed by or finding truth in the midst of doubt – all of that kind of stuff. Put it this way: have you ever loved someone who just won’t receive what you so desperately long to show? Yeah, I was keeping myself away. He just wants to love, and I get in the way so often with my own self-conciousness. He’s saying, “Steph, just be my daughter. Be mine, because you always were. That is all I’m asking for.”
January is looking so much different… better. I’m learning to slow down, make space for Jesus to speak in my life. He brings a fullness of joy and a strength that is unexplainable. If I could share anything with you friends, it’s this: Just be His. Be His son, be His daughter. You are everything to Him. He’s wants nothing more than to show His mercy to you and multifaceted love. Are you in a mess? Have you grown weary in your journey? It’s okay, He delights in showing mercy. God longs to bring you back to life and love you in a newer and deeper way with each coming day.